My Short Satire

Superhero Self Help Group
We have come here today to relieve some feelings, to say what needs to be said. Clark be careful not to break another chair, same goes for you Hulk. I think we all know the matter at hand. We are sick of tragedy in our lives. Sick of dead uncles, gamma radiation, dead parents and sidekicks and then having these characters come back only to die again.
For God’s sake Bruce they recently decided to kill ANOTHER Robin, everyone knows he will be back in a month. Have you ever considered that it would be best for you to work alone again or kill the Joker? Joker crippled Batgirl, and beat Jason to death, why not just kill him. I mean you beat them half to death anyway! Why not just finish them off? Oh wait because that would make you no better than the criminals you stop, and you have to honor your parents. You think they would be proud of someone who dresses up like a Bat? Why don’t you just give away all the roses you waste paying respect to your parents. I think there is probably enough so that everyone in Gotham could have a joyful valentine’s day.
Yes Peter I haven’t forgot about Gwen or Uncle Ben. Don’t worry Nightwing I know your parents were murdered too. Instead of complaining about it and going into long thought bubbles full of self-pity. Why don’t you costumed crusaders do something about it? Why don’t you take control and tell the writers that you refuse to let them make another dime off of your pain and embarrassment.
Why can’t your parents just come back? How about Uncle Ben and Krypton, why don’t you just make Kandor big again and go live there. Reed, why don’t you find a way to fix Ben, and you Hulk, why don’t you stop smashing and reverse the gamma rays? No writers or movie producers holding you back, just do what you need to do!
Hey I’m just a regular guy on the street and I am sick of seeing the crap you guys go through. Don’t get me started on some of the horrible movies you’ve been in. Bruce, I’m so sorry for the bat nipples and the throat cancer voice. Everyone wants to forget Superman 4, Spider-Man 3 and Ghost Rider but it happened. Let’s go lead a rebellion! Let’s take back our dignity and make our lives happy again.
Now you all are probably asking yourselves, why should we listen to you? You are just a regular shmuck. Well take a second and think about it. Every time a person picks up a comic all they ever read about is your depressing lives, do they ever care about the average Joe in the background? No! In your depressing movies do they ever care about the countless civilians you let die for the sake of a variation of an action scene that everyone has seen before? No! You think you have it bad well then think again! How would you like to be sitting on the toilet when General Zod comes crashing through your bathroom? Thanks for that Clark. Think about it!
Meeting adjourned!