This review contains what I believe to be light spoilers.
After two solo adventures under his belt and now taking lead as the face of the Avengers, I wondered if Robert Downey’s Iron Man was one zinger away from wearing out his welcome. And then something happened; the armored hero sacrificed himself to end an Alien invasion and waited until the smoke cleared before dropping a one-liner- granted he was unconscious during the fall, but still. For me, this selfless act elevated the character and gave him more substance. Fast forward to Shane Black’s previews for Iron Man 3 and you get the impression that Stark is still heading on a badass course of uncharted territory with his character.
Prematurely, and with utter confidence, I was sure Black was about to deliver a new, unique and epic upgrade for the Armored Avenger. And like a prank, not much different from Iron Man 3’s infamous twist, Shane Black delivers the complete opposite of what the strong previews implied. Let’s jump right in….
Seeing the MARVEL flip at the start of a MARVEL film is always exciting. How do you lessen the impact of something this awesome? Play “I’m Blue Da Ba De” as the MARVEL logo is blazing. It’s like eating a delicious steak dinner while listening to someone take a shit. Early on, you know this is a different Iron Man film. Just not different in the best way.
The "Blue" song leads us into the film where it's being played at a function that sets the plot in motion. It's 1999 and Aldrich Killian, played by Guy Pearce (LOCKOUT), wants to parlay with playboy Billionaire, Tony Stark. The only thing is; Stark is obviously partying and doesn't want to talk shop and he's pretty high-school-popular-guy about it. Why doesn't Killian get the hint? Because he's an over-the-top 80's cliche with pimples, stuttering and stumbling about. Something is very different about this installment indeed. Wit has been abandoned for a style of comedy inconsistent with the series. It's slapstick. THOR being hit by Jane's truck for a second time is intelligent comedy compared to what we're in for at this point.
After the slapstick clears (momentarily), we're invited to a harsh contrast as terrorist videos flash across the screen. You can almost discern actual gore somewhere in the flashes of footage as"The Mandarin" speaks. But the abrupt change in tone is like watching Spy Kids interrupted with 30 seconds of Silence of the Lambs. And for all the dark and ominous posturing, we soon see this element undermined as the film continues on it's destructive course of Monty Python's Iron Man 3.
As you might expect, Stark has some new toys. Gone are the days of extra long suit-up times as seen in the first film. Tony can now summon pieces of the MARK42 armor to graft to his body, and he can get in and out of the suit effortlessly- even easier getting out considering the suit tends to fall apart in a repetitive sight gag that keeps on giving. He can also control the suits by remote with the aide of Jarvis, giving him an army of robots- An army of robots that Stark can jump in and out of in a ridiculous farce that renders the Iron Man suits expendable. The suits and their indestructible armor will now explode into vapor like a fire cracker. I'm just waiting on the fall-a-part action figure of the MARK42. If you press the button on his back, the Benny Hill theme will play.
Both Iron Man 1 and 2 had clear threats when it came to it's villains. Stain was a developed character with clear intentions, as was Vanko and Hammer. But here, MARVEL has allowed a story in which Tony Stark's greatest foe is reduced to literally, nothing. He's not even a henchman to the "real" villain.
In an unbelievable move, we are presented with a man who is pretending to be the Mandarin, which doesn't really exist in the film at all. Ben Kingsley (BLOOD RAYNE), is a cowardly crackhead who plays the Mandarin for beer. When Sam Raimi shoe-horned Venom into Spider-man 3, a character he was not fond of, it showed through in the characters development onscreen. But Shane doesn't merely under-use or squander the characters potential, he completely gives comic fans a middle finger while raping the character into oblivion. MARVEL was quickly known to handle it's characters better than any other company could. How this happened is baffling. Another villain could have been used if the interest in The Mandarin was a fleeting one with violent disregard.
Stark is rarely Iron Man in the film, and the best scene in the film involving the MARK42 armor is revealed to be a drone suit controlled by Stark who's safely tucked away in another location. You start to get the feeling that the film makers are poking their tongue out at you and laughing with each disappointing turn.
The film is a silly romp of confusion and is easily the worst MARVEL studios film to date. Stark's new sidekick, Robin, I mean, Harley, doesn't recognize the billionaire Tony Stark when he first sees him, but immediately produces a newspaper with the playboy on the cover. Not dumb enough? Well, after the kid introduces himself to Stark, he says "And you are?" WTF??? Scenes like this are a testament to the careless nature of this slapped together film. It is on par with the Mummy films as it tries to channel the type of adventure and comedy seen in Pirates of the Caribbean and the like. General audiences and hopeless fanboys will enjoy the film.
I don't have the patience to get into the Extremis elements which apparently work better in a motion-comic. Here, it's a TV show grade element that never quite rises above a cheese sandwich. There are also inconsistencies with the science behind Extremis despite Killian's effort to explain it to Pepper after borrowing Obi Wan's hologram orb.
The sound of MARVEL's Phase2 roaring into theaters is the equivalent of a baby farting. Shane black tricked me. Good one. My generous rating:
ComicBookMovie.com, and/or the user who contributed this post, may earn commissions or revenue through clicks or purchases made through any third-party links contained within the content above.