Confessions Of A failed Superhero Screenwriter

                         CONFESSIONS OF A FAILED SUPERHERO SCREENWRITER

Greetings fellow CBM geeks, nerds and all around cool mofo's. I've been a huge fan of this site for years and frequently end up here for my daily fix of spandex-clad hero news. Now, being that all reading this are probably like-minded aficionados of flicks involving primary colored heroes, I assume, (and yes I know what they say about assumptions, but, trust me, I usually just make an ass out of myself), that there are some budding filmmakers that visit this site. For anyone who's ever thought of writing their very own superhero flick because they thought they could do it better (and after catching Josh Trank's FF on demand, well, you're right!), I'd like to share my experience in coming fairly close to getting my screenplay made, and with it, almost nabbing a check for 250,000 smackaroos!

Like any good story, it all began with an idea. A momentary flash of pure intellectual genius (I exaggerate, but embellishment is essential to good story telling, no?). Anyhoo, years ago, during the great Wednesday pilgrimage to my local comic book shop (that all geeks are drawn to make, like the Gathering in those Highlander movies), I happened upon an excellent book called "Lex Luthor Man Of Steel." As the title suggested, it was a story from the point of view of Superman's arch rival, Alexander Luther. In that comic the reader was made to understand the villain's perspective. The Man Of Steel was drawn with blazing red eyes, his outfit more military than superhero. While reading it, I found myself agreeing with Lex. I mean, who was this alien to tell us how WE can be better and hold us back as a species from ourselves (muhahahahah). It convinced me that indeed Superman was a dick that had to be stopped, and... It was awesome!

Suddenly, and this was long before Suicide Squad was a "big thing" mind you, I had a thought (rare for my brain though they are). I was determined to write my own superhero movie where the heroes were the bad guys and the villains had to stop them! Now, I'd always written fairly good, er, well, in college (in truth I'm probably a better story teller then writer, but I digress) so I knew the difference between their, there and they're for example. It also helped that prior to my brilliant idea I had read a great many film scripts online (it was just something I enjoyed, like porn). It wouldn't be as easy as I initially thought, however. Their (see what I did there) would be many obstacles I would have to overcome. Aside from having no formal training in screenwriting whatsoever and a computer that would constantly freeze due to visiting sites like "Big Jugs" (what, I needed somewhere to store water!), free time was simply not a luxury I enjoyed. I was working in law enforcement at the time, an occupation that consumes every waking moment of a person's existence, and, truth be told, writing a script is hard. Still, my life's mantra has always been "tenacity trumps talent," (something that can take a person farther than you'd think) so I pressed on, determined to tell my tale.

The first thing I needed to do was learn how to write a script (duh!), so I powered through a number of books on screenwriting. Some books were very informative and helpful, while others that I blew through just, ur, blew. Once I was satisfied that my insatiable appetite for screenwriting know-how had sufficiently prepared me to tackle the job, I was almost ready to go. But, I needed some practice. After making it about halfway through two separate screenplays (one a dark comedy, the other an action revenge tale worthy of Van Damme), it was time. My journey began by outlining the act structure (the story beats that occur in the beginning, middle and end of the film) and writing a 5 page treatment of the whole script). The character arch types would be next. Some would be intentionally stereotypical, with many based on existing Justice League members, but (read this in an M Night Shyamalan voice), with a twist! My lead character, Gabe Grant (rolls off the tongue, no?) would be an amalgamation of every anti-hero I loved growing up: Han Solo, Jack Burton, Jack Sparrow -- all mixed in with some Lex Luthor.

After settling on a tone that appealed to my eccentric comedic sensibilities, which really just boiled down to simple, dumb fun (think "Big Trouble In Little China" or "Zombieland" and you're about there, tonally), I would write my story. And re-write. And re-write. And re-- you get the point. They really aren't kidding when they say that writing is rewriting, but sometimes it takes a while to get your story where you want it. And even with all that rewriting my script would be far from perfect. There are a few minor plot holes to be found if you really look for them (if I managed to attach it below please refrain from pointing them out as even a certain mega franchise keeps designing easily exploitable weak points in their mega death moon/planet weapons). It will also NEVER make the Black List of the best unproduced scripts (believe it or not that's a "thing" they come out with every year). On the Sharknado 3 scale of script quality, it's up there though. I set out to write a fun superhero movie that I'd like to see myself and, going by my (self imposed) criteria of "dumb fun" popcorn flick, I think I succeeded admirably.

Finally, my script would need a title. That title would originally be the name of the superhero team in the screenplay, The Guardians (yes I know all about that little indie movie Marvel would go on to make -- more on that later). So, I had my script that was definitely better then Sharknado 3, but I still had to figure out what to do to get it made. Fortunately for me, my friend's mother's, brother's, cousin's former boyfriend was a big time Hollywood producer and they were kind enough to pass it along. The producer claimed that he really enjoyed it but that his plate was full with his own projects. At first I thought he was just being kind and that he really despised my script, but he seemed pretty genuine when he offered to allow me to use his recommendation to peddle my product (yo). I wasn't done yet though. While the big time producer's endorsement was great and filled me with enough confidence to show my baby to the world (even with the diaper rash), I still felt I needed a way to rise above the other 50,000 or so dreamers who register their scripts with the WGA (Writers Guild of the good old USA) every year. My next step would be the wonderful world of screen writing contests.

There are literally 8 trillion screenwriting competitions out there, all ready to suck the aspiring writers cash from his wallet like some kind of money vampire. As a matter of fact, for now let's call the people that run these contests Mampires (money + Vampire = Mampire). Most of these contests are useless and your money is better spent on more important things like booze and high priced escorts. Some of them are the real deal however, and can actually benefit not only your bank account, but your screenwriting career too!

After a ton of research I settled on a few that I felt could do the most for me and my goal of seeing my heroes on the big screen (or on some VOD page next to Lake Placid 9 at least). One of the contests even offered some fantastic feedback which unfortunately lead to even more re-writing. As a side note, take all feedback with a grain of salt. Remember that opinions are like a-holes -- everybody has them and some are better than others. Take only the criticisms you feel are valid (be open-minded about that part) and weed through the things that simply don't appeal to the reader's personal tastes). Humm, where was I again? Ah, yes, entering my script in screenwriting contests.

Surprisingly, The Guardians, as it was called at the time, faired very well. No wins mind you, but it placed high enough to give me something to put on my query letter. What's a query letter you ask (play along okay). Well, if you want to sell a screenplay the query letter is almost as important as the actual script. It's where you present the "hook" of your story to hopefully get through the front door. Mine went like this:

Dear Mr. Blah: My name is Blah and I've written a screenplay that may be of interest to you. To stop a group of superheroes from secretly taking over the world, an egotistical villain must team up with an insecure young hero, and a couple of crime lords, to become something he never considered -- a hero!

Set in a genre that is red-hot right now, THE VILLAINS is an adventure/comedy with a unique twist on superhero movies, that tonally resembles films like “Guardians Of The Galaxy,” “The Avengers,” and “Pirates of The Caribbean.” Blurring the line between hero and villain, the action-packed script is loaded with a kind of tongue-in-cheek humor lacking in today’s crop of superhero movies.

A very early draft of my script made the semi-finals in the BlueCat Screenplay competition, Page International Screenwriting Awards (out of approximately 4,400 entries), and was a finalist in the Screenplay Search Screenwriting Competition.

Producer Michael DeLuca (TROPIC THUNDER, FRIGHT NIGHT) had also thoroughly enjoyed the script, calling it “very imaginative” and stating that I had “crafted great action set pieces.” Although unable to work with me at this time due to a prior commitment on a thematically similar project, Mr. DeLuca felt that my screenplay would make an exciting movie and gave me permission to use his recommendation.

If you would like to read The Villains, I'd be happy to provide you with a PDF copy either directly or through my manager Michael Naso of The Naso agency (formerly with William Morris). I thank you very much for your time and consideration and I look forward to hearing from you. Sincerely,

Things were looking great. I'd written a superhero script that was better than Sharknado 3, had a big time producer's endorsement, a solid query letter and even managed to nab a manager who was the uncle of one of my subordinates. Really, I couldn't count the money I would make fast enough. So I registered for a free IMDB account to acquire the contact info for producers and production companies (they give you 30 days free with each SEPARATE credit/debit card and email you use, hint, hint), sent out a ton of query letters, and was off at last. And one by one they came back...

Dear Mr. aspiring screenwriter we DO NOT ACCEPT UNSOLICTED QUERIES. Our legal team has destroyed sent material unopened. If you query us again snipers will shoot you in the testicles with high powered bean bag rounds (okay, I made that last one up). WTF, I thought! It seems most legit companies have no use for your dreams. Apparently they have their own writers and are not looking to take a chance on YOU. But you do remember what I said about how tenacity trumps talent, right? My OCD makes me quite tenacious (and I'll continue to check that my front door is locked, thank you very much). I refused to yield to failure and it worked... sort of.

A few companies recognized the massive financial potential of a screenplay that was definitely better than Sharknado 3 and were willing to take a look at The Guardians. Of those, two huge production companies (by student film standards) expressed interest in bringing my eccentric vision to life. The first of these was Canadian based Legacy Filmworks, known for direct to dvd fair starring actors like everyone's favorite overweight Brooklyn/Cajun Aikido cop, Steven Segal. The second was LA based Magnet Media. Magnet was a company owned by two European woman that acted like female Bond villains. They had actually produced films with such big name stars as Mickey Rourke, Storm herself, Halle Berry, Jason "action muscles" Statham and Adrian "The Nose" Brody.

I now had not one but TWO (TWO) companies interested in my screenplay! My manager whipped them both up with his silver tongue and soon, both were fighting for the rights to produce MY script. Despite my man junk, I felt like the prettiest girl at the prom (don't judge me!). Who to sleep with though? My manager had, um, managed to finagle the same deal with each one. Both companies wanted the privilege of optioning my script (an option is when a producer pays for the rights to your script for a limited time with the understanding that they will try to get it produced, and pay you a lump sum of green if and when they do). Each had also agreed that if I signed their option I'd receive (wait for it...) $250,000 upon the commencement of production!

Now Magnet seemed like the bigger company (not to knock the overweight Aikido cop, but they had actual stars in their movies), and the two female European producers I spoke with swore they had 25M (the proposed budget) ready to produce my movie. Like good Bond villains, they were also very convincing saying things like "I expect you will make the right choice and choose our company over the one with the Canadians." But the European woman also made a bunch of demands about things they wanted me to change in the script (which for $250,000, I was okay with). They also didn't seem like they wanted to fully commit (despite their claims otherwise) offering me what is known as a one dollar option (instead of paying money to hold the rights to your work, they give you the equivalent of the change you might find in a public washing machine -- on a bad day). Maybe it was my law enforcement experience or the fact that movies have taught me European accents mean people are evil, but a red flag went up.

Legacy on the other hand was waiving $2,500 in my face. The choice was clear. Legacy began work on The Guardians, or rather, The Villains. See a few months after they optioned my screenplay (and drummed up a promo poster) word began to spread about Marvel's upcoming GOTG. A name change would be in order and The Guardians became the more appropriately titled, The Villains. Things were moving fast.

Legacy had a director in place that directed a straight to cable movie starring the legendary, unofficial, King of Germany, badass of the Baywatch beach and all around superhero, The Hoff. Clearly, they would spare no expense. Their casting director had even mentioned reaching out to the agents of stars like the immortal Nic Cage (for lead anti-hero Gabe Grant), Jesse (pre Lex) Eisenberg (for neurotic speedster Bolt) and Vin Diesel (as antagonist Kronos). After several more months, Legacy informed me that the financing was just about done and The Villains was part of a deal with their investors for their next slate of films. The down payment on that house I've always wanted, for my wife and overdeveloped fertilized semen (kids), with the smoking hot, half naked cleaning woman, was now within my reach! And then the hammer dropped...

Legacy emailed me to let me know that the financing fell through at the last minute but they had other investors and it was still looking good. Another promise that the financing was almost in place and I should expect the big check soon was followed by another, "Yeah, it looks like that fell through too, sorry." While this was going on my manager lived up to every seedy stereotype by going behind my back and annoying the producers by trying to peddle a children's story he and his wife were working on. He also attempted to get his nephew a job as a script consultant further damaging the relationship. Long story short, the option expired and we went our separate ways. I mean, I'm not bitter about the experience at all. It's not like I spend nights crying in a hot shower dreaming about seeing my characters brought to life and having that house with the half naked cleaning woman named Rosita, before my wife knocks on the door asking if I'm going to be in there all night or anything (no, nah, not at all, sniff).

About now you're probably thinking "but why didn't you just keep trying to get it out there?" and "this guy is definitely proof that crazy people should be kept off the internet" (if not for crazy THERE WOULD BE NO INTERNET, but I digress). Well my tenacity has its limits. I did send it out and get a few more nibbles. An executive from Brett "I killed X Men 3 so eat it" Ratner's company even enjoyed the script and passed it up to the top, but, ultimately they passed on it. I had even looked into having it adapted into a comic (too expensive). Ultimately, it seems my villains are destined to be confined to the paper they were typed on.

Well I've rambled on enough (and the Doctor makes me take the happy pills about now so I gotta run anyway). But what, if anything, can be gleaned from my rather insightful experience (aside from the fact that the slightly insane can still get their script optioned, that is). If you take one thing away from my story let it be this: Tenacity trumps talent. If you have an idea for a story then tell it. Read some books on screenwriting (it is a craft) and then don't give up until it's sold. Do that and you will definitely come fairly close to getting it made.