G.I Joe:Retaliation Review

First of all I'll start off by saying I actually enjoyed the first GI Joe flick, mainly because of the criticisms a lot of folks leveled at it, it was cartoony and toyetic, but I kinda thought that was the point.

GI Joe: Retaliation goes someway in the opening credits to connect itself to its predecessor but you wonder why it bothers cause from the word go this is very much a film set in the 'real world' . There is no explanation offered for how the Joe's seem absent the armour, the vehicles or weaponry that was so keenly displayed in the pit in the first flick, mainly it seemed to punt on product at Toys'R'Us.

There's a brief cameo from Channing Tatum before he's killed off, you knew that was coming its hardly a spoiler, there is no mention of any of the previous team they appear to have never existed and been replaced with a bunch of squaddies and grunts.

The presidents being kept alive so he will reveal the location of the prison where Cobra Commander & Destro are being held? He's tortured to give up the info despite the fact he was replaced by Zartan before these characters were actually captured and you can't help but wonder why Zartan just doesn't ask his aides, would sort of seem the point of the facial reconstruction?

Needless to say Firefly gets to the prison and frees them , there's some CGI that makes you think Cobra is weaponised but alas this is not the case. Destro is dismissed with a gag and one liner and left behind. You can't help thinking this is because of budgetary constraints because now Cobra Commander flies around in the helicopter from M.A.S.K and his army are absent all of their arsenal and cool gadgets? No laser guns, submarine fleet, hover jet.iron man style suits, nada!


There's more back story with Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes but it all seems
pointless and forced and distracting, it lumbers along until the ninja battle with wires you've all seen in the trailer, the only scene really in tone with the first feature. Snake Eyes had had a makeover, its a good one, he had a side kick now, this is not good.

The Rock goes to the gym and has a buff body. This seems to be his only worth as a Joe as he's a pretty crappy soldier throughout and seems only fit to deliver awful dialogue and be "leader" based on bicep as oppose to any brain.

Bruce Willis appears in an effort to save proceedings, but it seems he's just hopped sets from Red 2 and doesn't really feel the need to change character, costume or dialogue. So ineffective and lazy, simply phoning in his performance you began to wonder if the CGI budget had gone on creating his likeness.

Adrianne Palicki finds herself in another awful vehicle for her talent, she has the chops to do action, but she's not getting any here. What she is getting though is a lipstick that can read hair strand DNA, which appears from nowhere and is never explained, that and the fact she is not recognised by the governments data base despite being one of their elite agents and manages to get up close and personal with the President by wearing an ill fitting dress and pretending to be press? All of this so they can prove he's really Zartan to Bruce Willis so he will loan them some guns, even though they had plenty already?

Cobra Commander escapes, the world is saved it's all been done on a budget that secures there will certainly not be a third. You come to understand why they've been sitting on this turkey, not to add 3D but to figure out what to do with it. It feels like they wanted to "re-boot" but didn't have the courage to pull away from what came before so you have an odd feature that's tied to the first and this sadly is it's undoing.

More stuff happens but it's all beginning to turn out like this review, overly long, all over the place and going nowhere.