I firmly believe there are people out there that haven't seen the Flash pilot episode that aired everywhere around the globe a month ago, and leaked on the internet five months earlier. I believe it about as much as I believe that Spider-man is in good hands at Sony Pictures and that Josh Trank will win an Oscar for Best Director with his refreshingly dark and gritty take on the Fantastic Four. No, I'm not being sarcastic. I genuinely believe in all of these soon-to-be facts. Haters can hate all they want. But in the end, just like with Heath Ledger's Joker and Keanu Reeves' Constantine (suck it Matt Ryan), all will be ashamed they doubted such cinematic treasures. Such as Green Lantern.
Out there in the world are millions, if not billions, of people who are asleep on their couch. They come home everyday from a hard day's work...tired. Too tired to watch television, or even go to the movies (which is the sole reason why the brilliant Amazing Spider-man 2 failed at the Box Office). They shovel coal into a giant burning furnace or yell into a phone behind a desk or whatever it is my parents do at work while I'm at home eating cereal in my boxers, instead of looking for work. They wipe the sweat from their forehead and look at the clock. And when they get home, they collapse--face first on the big couch (because I'm sitting in the all-leather lazy boy chair playing Grand Theft Auto V). As they lay there, they ask themselves should I watch TV? Everyone at work won't shut up about The Flash and Karen's ass. Mostly Karen's ass. Tom got sent to HR and eventually got fired for talking too much about Karen's ass. Maybe I should ask my son McGee to take advantage of this new opening at work even though I'M STILL NOT DONE WITH GTA V, DAD! I KNOW ABOUT YOUR LIFE INSURANCE POLICY! I WILL KILL YOU! NO ONE WILL THINK I DID IT BECAUSE I'LL PRETEND TO CRY! But instead, they decide to DVR the series and get some sleep before they have to wake up again and go back...back, to the grind. The grind...of 9 to 5.
This review is for you people.
Truth be told, I wanted to write this review immediately after watching it on TV. It was my intention to submit it before going to bed, so as to give people that missed it something to read before watching the encore. But, as you'll soon find out...my night didn't allow for that to happen. So many of you, I'm sure, enjoyed the CW's premiere of The Flash. The same could not be said for me. October 7th, 2014 was a day that will never be forgotten by yours truly. It was a day that left my soul forever infected and cursed me with sickening nightmares that will haunt my reveries until the day dementia decides I've had enough trauma from memories that did nothing but hurt me. Oh how I wait for that day. When I'm rescued from a temporal lobe that spits on me as I lay in the fetal position...crying.
Well now. I suppose it's time to get to the matter at hand. But before I do that, I must do what I always do. Set up the events that lead me to watching the Flash pilot. Like most of you, I knew about this episode leaking early on the internet way back in June. However, I decided it would be best to wait until it actually premiered. The thought of having to wait four entire months to see the second episode made my dick invert like a turtle's head retreating back inside its shell. To quote Maya Angelou before she died, ain't nobody got time for that!
As I was walking home...from working out at the gym, and definitely not from a park where people might sit on a bench and touch themselves under a blanket while staring at high school girls, I noticed a car parked outside my house. It was an all black 1992 Caddy. I have a vague memory of such a car. The windows are tinted, so I can't see if anyone is actually in the car. I ignore my silly imagination and go inside my house. It is here that I see a familiar face. Sitting on my couch--eating a jar of mayonnaise with a spoon--is a bearded old man in his 50s, wearing a camo jacket that reeks of marijuana (specifically Grinchmas Christmas) and Cheez Whiz farts (specifically Pepper Jack Attack). The man's long white hair was braided into cornrows. Suddenly I know who this is and I am livid. It was none other than Chongo, my stupid friend Steve's cousin. This old vagrant was the guy that interfered with my enjoyment of Thor 2...or enhanced it, I can't remember. I sure as hell wasn't going to let him screw up my viewing of the Flash!
I ask him what the hell he's doing in my house and how he got inside. Chongo sits me down and lets me know in the most clear of terms what is going on. He explains that his boss is in the car parked outside and that it's someone I know. His boss is actor Alfonso Ribeiro, someone I'd like to forget. If you watched Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as a child, you know this asshole as Carlton Banks. What you don't know, is that if you live in the south-west and purchase cocaine, you're buying from Carlton Banks. Nothing moves unless he says so and if you want to push your product here in California, Arizona or Nevada...you have to pay him for the privilege. Steve's nasty cousin informs me that Alfonso is offended that I haven't been hanging out with him since last year (when he straight up abducted me!). All I can think is why did I go to that 2009 cast reunion party of Fresh Prince and make friends with this monster? Will Smith wasn't even there.
Alfonso isn't known for his patience, so I wasn't surprised when he actually came inside (initially to ask what was taking so long) and pulled me by my shirt all the way to his car. On the drive over to his house, I try my best to tell him that I really just wanted to stay in and watch the Flash. In his loud obnoxious voice, he barks back "So what? You'll watch it at my house. Sheeit. That's what me, Chongo and Angel Eyez were gonna do anyways." It is at this point that I notice there's a fat, bald, Puerto Rican man sitting up front in the passenger side with tattoos all over his face. "We're gonna take some speed and watch some speed."
Outside his mansion, which is tagged with graffiti everywhere and has boarded up windows, they open the gate for us. As we go inside, I wonder...is this the mansion from the show? No...no, it can't be. In the living room, I am taken aback from Alfonso's 82 inch plasma screen TV. Have I been judging this man too harshly? He seems to sincerely miss me, so maybe I have been kind of a dick by avoiding him. All over the coffee table are discarded pizza boxes. I get a slice from one of the boxes that isn't completely empty and get ready to watch the show. Chongo is knocked out on the all-velvet couch next to me and I decide not to wake him up. Alfonso is in the other room laughing it up with that fat dude. I figure he just doesn't want to see the Flash that bad. If he complains about me watching without him, I'll tell him that I told Chongo to go get him, but he responded with "His reign is almost over. Soon I'll be the boss."
Switching the channel to the CW, I see that I made it just in time. The show comes on and I'm five years old again, watching John Wesley Shipp as the Flash on CBS. Only this time, he's Barry's dad and Barry is...technically a few years younger than me. But that's fine. The Flash is on TV again. I'm happy. It doesn't even bother me that some sexy chick just came in the living room, wearing only daisy duke short shorts and absolutely nothing else, and has passed out on the couch opposite me and Chongo. I try my best to focus on the show, and am somewhat successful. It doesn't even bother me that she's now stretching in a half daze.
Basically, the show starts off with Barry telling us about how we need to believe in the impossible or something. We see a red blur racing around the city and are then treated to a flashback of Barry as a kid, running from bullies. He explains to his mother that this is due to the bullies catching him listening to that stupid Echosmith song about Cool Kids or something. I don't know. That chick on the couch is hot. His dad comes home and asks him if...he got all A's or something about school. He humors his dad and says yes, even though it's clear from the shared glance between him and his mother that he probably only got C-cups. It's here that we then see the Reverse-Flash attacking his mom in another flesh back. Barry's dad comes inside the living room and, upon seeing danger, tells little Barry that he must pull out. Run, Barry! Run! This isn't the last time we hear this important phrase. Now she's scratching herself. Oh man!
We cut to present day Central City. We see Grant Gustin's goofy ass Barry Allen running into people, on purpose, just so he can cop a feel. Pervert. I tried something very similar years ago when I pretended to be blind at a shopping mall. I won't lie, I got quite a few good gropes in before coming across a tank top wearing US Marine with a lascivious tattoo of Catwoman on his upper pectoral that was seriously begging to be Bill Finger'd by me! The Marine pulled yours truly up by the collar of my shirt and curtly inquired as to what my major malfunction was. Now, I should mention that my dad was also a Marine. As a kid, I was a military brat. Having grown up around military folk, I knew weakness was something I dare not show. So I said the first thing that popped into my fear stricken brain. I looked this man dead in his eyes and told him to take his five dollar ass back to Iraqistan before I made change for a buck fifty.
As I write this review, I'm sitting in a wheel chair. The doctor told me I would never ever fully recover from the crippling ass whooping I got from the man with the Selina sketch across his chest. I'm not completely confined to a wheel chair (I only use it at home when I'm not going anywhere). Sometimes I use crutches to walk around, which support the leg braces that prevent my legs from becoming as limp as a certain other part of my body in the same area. But I digest (That's right Gusto--I took that line from your Ang Lee Hulk review. Do something!).
Anyways, Barry Allen shows up to the crime scene and is given a lecture for being late. Joe, his step-father, tries to cover for him by claiming he went to do an errand for him and, in a dick move, makes Barry hand over his King-Size bar of Hershey sexual chocolate (Coming To America references, bitch). Allen goes down on the ground to study the tire tracks. You can tell he reads Mustang Monthly on the toilet while drinking Bud Light as he's able to tell right off the bat that these criminals got away in a sweet Shelby Mustang GT-500 (a vehicle that Central City police totally wouldn't notice speeding away). Probably while listening to Pantera or Black Flag! Next to the tracks, Barry notices what he suspects to be cow manure. Grabbing a pen from the police detective that isn't an important character like his step-father or Crime-Lab director Singh, he takes a sample. When the detective mentions that his father gave him that pen before he died, Barry responds with "Yeah, well...it has shit on it now, so...ask Joe for a piece of that chocolate candy because I don't know what to tell you." When the detective gives Barry an angry glare, he goes on to suggest "when you wash dishes tonight, maybe wash this pen last? What do you want from me dude? Don't you die later on? None of this matters. You don't matter."
Next, we see Barry inside the Central City CSI lab doing...science. All you really need to know is that this is when Iris West shows up jacks his french fries. What gives? So far we've seen both members of the West family punk Barry into giving them his stuff. Food no less! Is this how it's going to be later on when he's the Flash and needs to eat five boxes of pizzas to give his body extra calories to burn? And why they gotta be black? The only black person that was ever caught stealing food is Al Roker, and he's cleaned up his act since then.
I try to wake up Chongo to tell him how I think this is racist, when Alfonso comes speed walking inside the living room yelling. Valiantly, I try not to show how terrified I am, as I've never seen him this angry before. The fact that he has some white powder around his nose and mouth is even less reassuring. He says that it's time for us all to take a trip. I point to the TV and Alfonso says he's DVRing the episode and that they have a TV where we're going. When I offer to stay behind and protect the woman sleeping on the couch, he smacks me across the face so hard, my nose bleeds a little. Chongo helps me to the car. From the corner of my eye, I think I see the fat cholo conceal a weapon inside his jacket!
There is no point in beating around the bush--I'm scared. The car ride is long and I have no idea where we're going. My eyes search outside the windows for any visual land marks (alas, all I notice is that the doors are locked). I come to the conclusion that we seem to be going to San Diego. But when we drive up to a massively elaborate checkpoint, it is painfully obvious where we're going. We're just outside Tijuana. This crazy mad man is taking us to Mexico! And I am helplessly trapped inside this voyage of the damned.
Almost immediately, the view outside the car is that of a third-world country. Driving around the city of TJ at night, I gape at the bleak urban ruins that go on forever. Suddenly, Detroit doesn't seem so bad. One cannot help but wonder if the drug cartels were the only reason why Zack Snyder didn't film here for scenes taking place in Gotham City. We drive pass a turned over car on fire. I have the unfortunate chance to witness a three legged dog shooting up heroin with the help of some bum that probably isn't his owner, but instead, a dealer. Further down the road I see a naked five year old, holding a molotov cocktail. If I wasn't so fearful for my life, I'd laugh. That kid was adorable and me being slightly bigger than him did wonders for my self confidence later on when looking back at this night.
Now on a dark back road, it isn't long before I ask myself is this where they're gonna kill me? I instantly regret not sleeping with that morbidly obese fat girl with the short hair that I met the week before. Her words to me play back over and over in my head. "It's either me or nobody" she gargled from her Buffalo Wing stained mouth. It isn't until I hear them talking about how soft my hands are that I begin to wonder if I'll live to see Josh Trank's Fantastic Four film after all.
When I also start wondering if I'll live to see Sony's Aunt May prequel film--that's when I notice that the car has stopped and we're parked outside a small dilapidated house with one of its windows partially broken and taped up with duck tape. They knock on the door a few times before kicking it in. Once inside, our noses are attacked by the vile stench that could only be produced from poor ventilation. The sound of a toilet flushing breaks the momentary silence. A man emerges from the bathroom, located directly opposite from the kitchen and separated by only two yards in distance.
Pulling up his pajama pants and standing before us was someone I thought I'd never meet. Former teen idol David Cassidy (who I thought was either dead, or working at a Piggly Wiggly in North Dakota). The sad sight before my watery eyes made me question my faith. David looked horrible. A 60 year old man that looked 80, wearing a faded Steve Urkel shirt (by the way, Jaleel White is the man to see if you're ever in need of renting Korean teenagers for reasons). Alfonso digs into him without missing a beat. "What happened to my shipment, Davey boy?" The old man responds, in a low wispy voice, with "It's Marcus, man. He's slacking off and flirting with the girls that prepare the stuff." Alfonso isn't having any of it. He pulls out his gat from his pants and starts waving it around while talking way too fast for me to understand. Finally, after smacking the old man around for a bit, he sternly explains that Marcus and him grew up together and has been complaining about David being slow since September.
It doesn't take long before they all tie down David Cassidy to a chair. Alfonso and Angel Eyez say they're gonna go to the bedroom so they can see if David is stealing from them. He tells Chongo to keep an eye on David to make sure he doesn't escape. He also tells him to make sure McGee doesn't talk to that bitch. Otherwise, he reasons, I might try to help him escape. Chongo is nice enough to turn the TV on and switch to the CW so we can watch the show. We're at the part where the group is at Ferris Air, testing out Barry's abilities on the runway.
For a moment, I forget about the horrors going on around me. Then David tries talking to me. "What are you guys watching?" he asks. Forgetting what we were told, I nervously mention the Flash. Chongo starts to affectionately massage my shoulders. I pee a little and try not to cry. When David starts coughing, I notice his mouth is bleeding. He turns to us again and says "The Flash, huh? You know...I played Mirror Master on the CBS Flash show 20 years ago." I can't hold it in anymore. I start crying. "Once upon a time though, right? Who knows? Maybe if that show was a hit, my career would still be alive. I could have played Sal Goodman on Breaking Bad...instead of living out Breaking Bad in real life."
Alfonso and his fat companion come back inside the living room. They question the old man for a while and then decide that he isn't giving them the right answers. As they beat him, I hear David--through his tears--singing the theme song to the Partridge Family. "Hello world, here's a song that we're singin'. Come on get happy!"
Eventually, I'm able to drown out the annoying glopping sound being made while they hammer the now sleeping David Cassidy. Barry Allen shows up at the barn outside Central City to stop the Weather Wizard and his out-of-control tornado that's heading toward the populace. He runs inside the tornado with the intention of unraveling it by going in the opposite direction. Clyde Mardon sees this and is all like STAHP! UR DOIN' IT RONG! and zaps him with a bolt of lightning, which is messed up. Twice in one year? Lightning isn't even suppose to strike in the same place twice, let alone the same person. And he just woke up!
Barry is ready to call it quits when Harrison Wells picks up a headset and starts talking to him. The following exchange takes place:
HARRISON WELLS
Barry...it's me. Reverse Flash. I need you to get back in there and undo that whirlpool of oblivion.
BARRY ALLEN
I don't know Professor Zoom. He's too strong. I can't do it. Iris is letting Eddie smash her every night and my dad's in jail. This isn't a good time for me right now. I think...I think I need to work on me before I put myself back out there.
HARRISON WELLS
Barry, listen very closely...I believe in you Barry. I was wrong...you're not just some kid that was hit by lightning, you're a hero.
BARRY ALLEN
What? That's not what you said last night.
HARRISON WELLS
Baby...I know I wasn't very supportive before. But that Harrison Wells...he's gone. This is the new me. And I promise to love and adore you until the angels come to take one of us away.
BARRY ALLEN
Don't say that...
HARRISON WELLS
I love you. There. I said. And I'm not ashamed to say it. You say we don't hold hands anymore? Come back to me and I swear our hands we be fused together.
BARRY ALLEN
I just don't want to get hurt again. I need someone who's young at heart as well as an old soul. I have needs and one of the things I need is romance.
HARRISON WELLS
My parents have a cottage by the beach at Martha's Vineyard. Let's go there for the weekend and figure things out. No expectations. Just two friends enjoying each other's company, like how we started out.
BARRY ALLEN
I'd like that.
HARRISON WELLS
I like the way you laugh when we watch the Good Wife.
BARRY ALLEN
Awww. That's sweet of you.
HARRISON WELLS
Now go get 'em tiger.
BARRY ALLEN
LOL!
HARRISON WELLS
Run Barry, Run!....Like in Forrest Gump, but with your name.
BARRY ALLEN
I'm hanging up now, silly!
The Flash runs rings around Mardon and causes him to fall on his ass after his tornado has been put out to pasture by the power of team work. Barry walks up to Mardon asks him if he has ass whooping insurance. Weather Wizard says no, but that he HAS A GUN! Barry is shocked and tells him that he thought Obama got rid of all guns. Mardon explains to the Flash that that's just what the media wants you to think, and that gun sales have actually gone up since Obama took office. The Flash confesses that he just assumed that the President had banned all guns, at which point Mardon further explains that it wasn't even until after the Sandy Hook shooting that there was even a serious national debate on gun control in the US and that Obama gave up on even trying to pass any legislation through Congress shortly there after, choosing instead to sign meaningless executive orders. After a cordial 20 minute conversation about the Second Amendment where both parties agreed to disagree, Mardon then explains that he has to kill Barry now because he doesn't want to go to jail.
Suddenly, Mardon is shot dead. Barry turns to see who killed him and is revealed to find police officer Reginald VelJohnson. They look at each other for moment before warmly laughing. Out from the crowd of people, Barry's ex-wife Holly shows up and gives the Flash a long hug. Their long nightmare is over. When a reporter stops the three of them to harass them, Holly punches him in the face. It begins to snow and Bing Crosby's Let It Snow plays in the background. It's right here when I realize that dick splash Chongo had changed the channel to Die Hard (that's right, I use Pete Ross insults now--deal).
The night was starting to come to a close. Alfonso is giving Angel Eyez instructions on what to do with sleeping David Cassidy (I assume take him back to his bed so he can wake up the next day without a stiff neck?) when I notice Chongo cleaning up blood from the floor and chair (I assume he is doing this so when David wakes up the next day, it isn't to a bloody mess). Words cannot describe how happy I am when Alfonso says we're going home now. I'm told Angel Eyez will be taking a separate car home as he has business to attend to. I'm so giddy, I call shotgun. No one responds to my call of shotgun, but clearly they're okay with it as I get no protest when I sit in the passenger seat next to Alfonso.
It's a long, quiet drive back home. There isn't any music playing on the radio or talks of what we're gonna do to that guy! I look out my window and see the stars resting peacefully next to the moon. I can't remember anyone even speaking on the drive back home. Save for one instance. At one point during the drive, Alfonso, with tears in his eyes, says "You know...James Avery was like a father to me." I am deeply touched that he would share that with me. I'm sure Chongo would have been too if he hadn't been asleep in the back seat on the way back. Alfonso tells me that whenever he was sad, Uncle Phil would do his Shredder voice for him. The only other time I think I heard him say something was when we were rolling up to my house. I could have sworn I heard him whisper something that sounded like it should have been Will.
I like seeing this softer side to Alfonso. He's nice enough to walk me to my door. Chongo rolls his window down and, wiping the sleep from his eyes, says goodbye to me. I say goodbye to both of them, but before I go inside, Alfonso says he wants to show me something. Now, up until this point, I thought I had seen everything. At first, I'm confused when I see Alfonso doing the Macarena dance for me. Then it hits me. It hits me right in the feels.
Alfonso Ribeiro...thinks he's doing the Carlton dance. Through all the years of drug abuse and haunting memories of the past, this poor bastard has completely forgotten how to do it. He tries to sing Tom Jones' song It's Not Unusual, but messes up the lyrics so badly that at first I thought he was trying to tell me that everything that had happened this night wasn't all that strange. As they drive away, I shake my head. I say to myself there but for the grace of masturbation to BBW S&M porn go I. And with that, I went inside my house.
I'm legitimately surprised to see my friends Robbie and Steve in my living room. Turns out they came over to watch the Flash pilot with me and were so shocked to find the door left open, they waited inside to see if I would come back and watched the pilot without me...out of concern. Robbie says something like "I'm 90% sure that old dude outside with the cornrows was Nick Nolte." But I'm not really listening to him. I'm too busy punching Steve in the face (I also go get him an ice pack--calm down).
Robbie pulls up the pilot on my DVR and shows me what I missed. When I see the empty cage with the name Grodd on it, I clap my hands and cheer. When I see Iris kissing Eddie (putting Barry's comment to Harrison Wells into context for me) I yell out you whore! But all of this paled...paled in comparison to what I saw next. My friends show me that crazy cliffhanger of an ending!
When Harrison Wells stands up out of his wheel chair, I stand up off the couch with the help of my crutches. When he goes to an access module, I turn to my friends and demand to know what he's doing! Just watch dude, is all that they say to me. And watch I do. I'm watching the shit out of this scene! Harrison Wells pulls up a holographic image from the panel.
And then I see it....
I see the front page of the 3D News website from the future!!!!!
I'm at a loss for words.
I still wrapping my head around it. Who would have thought? Who would have thought Harrison Wells was Kyle Reese sent back from the future to protect the Flash from Cyborg Superman?
THINGS I LIKED
There was that scene between the Flash and Green Arrow (from the show Green Arrow). I thought that entire exchange was kind of cool. Barry was all like what if that dude that may or may not be Reverse Flash is right? What if I'm nothing special? What if I never get to dip my banana into some chocolate sauce? Oliver Queen doesn't have any of that. He tells Barry flat out that he believes it's no accident that he became the Flash. Of course, Barry, being a dumbass, doesn't understand.
When pressed further, Ollie explains that he thinks DC Comics and Warner Bros. are going to have a massive event in the 2020s that leads to a straight up adaptation of Crisis on Infinite Earths that has the television universe crossing over into the cinematic universe. Ollie claims that at the end of it all, we see Grant Gustin's Flash sacrificing his life and turning into the same bolt of lightning that hits him in the pilot episode, completing the cycle of his entire journey, just like in the comics.
Barry Allen, shaking his head, tells him that he would like some of whatever he is smoking. Arrow laughs and tells Flash that what he was smoking at his lair earlier that day was ironically called...Green Arrow. Both then do an air guitar riff. Ollie does this cool move as he leaves, involving his Batman grappling gun arrow. The Flash remarks how cool he thinks it is before speeding off back to Central City. Arrow sees Barry running back home using the speed force and remarks "man, f--k that guy. He thinks he's better than me? Show offs get shut down!"
THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE
*sigh*
Okay...what I'm about to say is going to be extremely controversial. I fear that once I say it, I'll be ostracized by the entire community on this site. But it needs to be said. If I get banned, oh well. If no one talks to me anymore, so be it. Here is what I feel I must say...
I don't believe in the mixing of the races.
There, I said it. It's out there now. All I ask is that you hear me out. During that scene on the rooftop between the Flash and Arrow, I felt like the show was implying that they were going to race, or at some point later on in either series, they would race each other. I feel that if the Flash is going to race someone, it has to be someone like Superman or another speedster. It is completely unfair to have a speed base meta-human race someone who can't run as fast as that speedster. That's like having a child fight Mike Tyson. Sure, it'll be hilarious watching that kid get clocked cold by an adult, but people will give us crap for enjoying that.
Also, I don't like Lithuanian people. Eat me.
The only other thing I didn't like was that the Flash didn't use his abilities to grab people's asses and run away before they realized what had happened. It is totally unrealistic to think someone in real life, with these powers, wouldn't go around goosing people. I can understand him not doing it at the diner scene (he had no idea what was going on). But after he realizes he can go fast, that's the first thing we should have seen him do. Truth be told, it sort of took me out of the show.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I don't know man. I enjoyed the episode and think it's a great start to the series, but the way I saw it was lame. It started off cool, watching it on that big plasma screen at Alfonso's house. I was really getting into it, but then in Mexico, I saw the show on a crappy 1984 Hitachi television set with a cracked glass tube screen that had a slightly normal picture quality that kept fading in and out and....oh my God.
They killed David Cassidy.
It's just now dawning on me that those evil goons whacked that poor old man! And to think I felt sorry for that son of a bitch! Oh my God...Oh my G--why? No...no, no, no, no! Why would they do that? Because the job he was doing for them wasn't fast enough? This isn't right. I have to go to the cops! I have to. Damn you Carlton Banks! I'm...I'm an accomplice to murder! Oh my God!
Oh geez...oh geez. Okay McGee....get a hold of yourself. They'll reduce your sentence if you give them the goods. This man needs to be brought down! He can't keep getting away with it...HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!!! That's it. It's settled then. I'll go to the cops. Hell. Instead of jail--maybe they'll put me and my family in witness protection. Our lives will never be the same, but perhaps one day...heh...heh heh.
I said he wasn't fast enough. Heh. Well, I guess I'll think about this some more. But first, I'll take a nice bath and order a pizza. Then, before going to bed, I'll watch the movie...Flashdance.
FLASH....dance. See what I did there? You see what I did there.
