Justice Leauge : We lost part 1 of 7 PLEASE READ

They fought.......and they lost

Fan Fic
By splashcomix - Mar 19, 2012 09:03 PM EST
Filed Under: Fan Fic

Batman weakley crawled behind a nearby car. Overhead the mettalic figure scanned it's surroundings. It looked at the car for a moment before heading back towards the glowing object. Batman was losing blood quickly and needed medical attention. He sent a flare up . The figure flew up firing at the flare...

Lantern struggled to believe this. His connection to the corps had been completely shut off and earth had been isolated. The mettalic figure grabbed his throat and drained the life force from him until he knocked over by a streak of red!

To be continued!

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jondsimmons89
jondsimmons89 - 3/19/2012, 10:32 PM
Dude... Garbage
PacificOrca
PacificOrca - 3/19/2012, 10:46 PM
Dude... I enjoy writing stories, too. Everyone starts out somewhere, and the first time you write creatively it's going to be clunky no matter what you do. Just keep at it, practice practice practice, and it will start to feel more natural.

But the FIRST thing you need to do, before any kind of presentation, is to check your spelling and punctuation, capital letters and spacing and such. In all honesty this looks like one of those school exercises where the teacher puts up a deliberately misspelled paragraph and wants you to correct it. "Weakly", not "weakley". "Mettalic", not "metallic". In this case, "its", not "it's". And avoid all exclamation marks, by all means, until you've written at least 200 pages total of short stories, as exclamation marks! are seriously!! overrated!!! and overused!!!!!
PacificOrca
PacificOrca - 3/19/2012, 10:48 PM
But I don't mean to sound negative.... Just keep practicing no matter what!
splashcomix
splashcomix - 3/19/2012, 10:54 PM
Thanks and sorry computer being fixed and I'm using crappy I pad
incrediblesuperbatspider
incrediblesuperbatspider - 3/19/2012, 11:24 PM
Not news
splashcomix
splashcomix - 3/20/2012, 1:10 AM
You f-ing suck!
splashcomix
splashcomix - 3/20/2012, 1:23 AM
I mean annoying selfish grip or grif but who cares
headlopper
headlopper - 3/20/2012, 11:02 AM
Hi. Nice start. Just a little advice: frame the scene with more description . For example:
What time of day is it? Day? Night?
Where are they? Metropolis? Gotham? On Earth?
A little more detail of your villain might help develop a visual of the scene. Remember, no one sees what's in your mind when you write fiction, so you have to create a world through your words.

Don't give up. Keep writing!
CyclopsWasRight
CyclopsWasRight - 3/20/2012, 2:09 PM
There is room for improvement, I used to write stories like these too, but make sure you learn the proper trades of the book. Other than that, good write up! Keep practicing! You'll get to the hang of it, I usually write my stories like it were a script of a movie.
CyclopsWasRight
CyclopsWasRight - 3/20/2012, 2:11 PM
Oh, and you um.... might want to fix the League part...
asdalhjljh
asdalhjljh - 3/20/2012, 9:18 PM
And Darkseid farted, and blew a gaping hole in the multiverse, and everybody died. Except for Darkseid. The End.
splashcomix
splashcomix - 3/21/2012, 1:30 AM
Hmm suddenly grif comment has disappeared . Any way part two is up
comiccow6
comiccow6 - 3/21/2012, 3:43 PM
Good idea, but spell check is here for a reason. I started out pretty bad too, just look at Hulk Part 1! But seriously, keep trying, make it a little longer, add dialogue, and KEEP PRACTICING! I did it, and now I have Batman:Frozen Hell. And here's some more advice. Always always always plot out your story. Of course, also make it up as you go along. Not saying to didn't plan, not at all, but just some advice. Keep practicing, and you'll get better. Remember that, and you'll get a lot better.
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