Transformers:Rise Of Unicron Aka Transformers 4 By Ricardo Torres Part 2

Transformers:Rise Of Unicron Aka Transformers 4 By Ricardo Torres Part 2

Second Part Of The Script.

By rappertotheneverlands - Jul 09, 2011 07:07 PM EST
Filed Under: Fan Fic

Transformers:Rise Of Unicron
(Continued)
Back at N.E.S.T Headquarters:

Major Lennox is much more aged now, works with Sergeant Phillips And Sergeant Epps.

Major Lennox-Optimus, no sign of Decepticons or any threats made in space yet.
Optimus Prime-Okay, I predict soon enough there will be a threat here on Earth. I wouldn't be surprised if this has anything to do with Megatron.
Major Lennox-Well, we're on it still and when we hear word from anyone of those Decepticons, I'll let you know.
Phillips-Sir, I think we have something.
Lennox-Wait hold on Prime...........
Okay what is it?

Galvatron is on the giant screen at the N.E.S.T base.

Galvatron-Optimus Prime!
Optimus-Megatron!
Galvatron-No! No more Megatron, I shall be known as Galvatron!
Optimus-Either way, Your going to die no matter what.
Galvatron-Haha! I believe your wrong Prime!
Minions! Attack!...

Galvatron and The Minions are at the base.
Destroying it in the process. Skyquake with a huge expolsion. The minions are tearing the place up,killing the soldiers.
Ultra Magnus and Mirage are protecting Optimus Prime. While Hot Rod, Ratchet, Sideswipe and Bumblebee battle the Minions.
The military are doing their best to fight back, but they are dieing.
Lennox-Get Optimus out of here!
Ratchet-Come on! You call this a fight. The one we had years ago, now that was a fight.
Skyquake-Wait till you get a load of me!

Skyquake shoots at Ratchet rapidly, non-stop, and Boom! Ratchet Dies and disintegrates.
Skyquake-I call that a taste of what really is more painful.Autobot scum!
Galvatron-Prime! You can't hide!
Optimus-I'm not hiding. I'm just getting started!
Mirage-Prime no!
Ultra Magnus-Optimus!
Epic fight scene Between Optimus and Galvatron.

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RunDTC
RunDTC - 7/9/2011, 8:34 PM
I like the idea but the dialogue is horrible.
Jolt17
Jolt17 - 7/9/2011, 9:11 PM
Yeah, sorry dude the dialogues are still weak!

And...is this the end? Because the plot is still way too weak!

Can be better dude, work it on!
rappertotheneverlands
rappertotheneverlands - 7/10/2011, 3:14 PM
There is more coming. Plus,How Could I Improve Dialouge?
AC1
AC1 - 7/11/2011, 8:44 AM
@rappertotheneverlands I agree with Jolt and RunDtc, good idea but the dialogue needs a lot of work

If it's a sequel to the Bay films, try to think of how those characters talk before you write their lines.
As for the villains (and in some cases, the heroes) avoid cliched lines or lines that sound like they're from a video game or cartoon. Especially the 'Minions. Attack' line, it's just a bit too cartoony. Megatron/Galvatron should sound menacing and serious, with a slightly insane edge, not like a villain from the old He-Man cartoon.
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