It was a Long, Long time ago when Luke went off to Toshi Station to get some power converters, but it's never too late, and definitely never too dated, to get your hands on some Star Wars t-shirts and merchandise. So we thought we would do a run down on all the new, cool items we got in stock.
Darth Vader T-Shirt
At the top of our list is the malevolent Sith Lord, Darth Vader. But first, a little background on the Sith since you obviously haven't been keeping up on your Jedi history.
The early dark-side users were exiled to the planet Korriban, where they conquered a powerful, but malleable indigenous species known as the "Sith." Treated like gods by their conquered people, the Dark Jedi proclaimed themselves "Lords of the Sith". The Lords of the Sith use the same powers as the Jedi, with the exception that they also use certain powers banned by the Jedi Council.
During the Golden Age of the Sith, set 5,000 years before the prequel trilogy, the Sith Empire rules over an isolated part of the galaxy, headquartered on the planet Ziost. The empire is unstable, however; as its two most powerful Sith Lords, Naga Sadow and Ludo Kressh, throw the Sith Empire into chaos as they fight each other for supremacy, leading to a brutal conflict known as The Great Hyperspace War, ultimately, destroying the empire from within, after 10 years of conflict.
The Sith then underwent 1,000 years of self-imposed exile, after which, they suddenly appear in the form of Darth Sidious and Darth Maul, from the "Star Wars: Phantom Menace," movie. Darth Sidious begets Darth Vader who begets Luke Skywalker and from there, you know the rest of the story.
You can feel confident that you'll represent the Dark Side appropriately while wearing our Darth Vader Costume T-Shirt. It comes complete with Force Choke, Force Grip and Force Lightning capabilities.
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Imperial Stormtrooper T-Shirt
Continuing with the Dark Side Apparel, we move on to the Imperial Stormtrooper, the personal army of Emperor Palpatine and of his commanders. The very first troopers were cloned from bounty hunter Jango Fett, to be the Army of the Republic in the Clone Wars. But that plan got blown out of the water and went all to hell when Chancellor Palpatine executed Order 66, having the clones turn on the Jedi, kicking off The Great Jedi Purge. HOLY FRAK!
This marked the end of the Clone Wars, as well as the death of the Old Republic. After the war and the birth of the Galactic Empire, the clone trooper army was reorganized into the Imperial Stormtrooper Corps. Initially, the stormtroopers served as the army for the Galactic Empire, putting down revolts and establishing imperial authority, yaddy, yaddy, yaddy, knocking heads into submission, until the Stormtrooper Corps swelled in size after Emperor Palpatine allowed the addition of birth born recruits and conscripts to serve alongside the clones.
After the Empire had been stabilized and an Imperial Army and Navy established, the stormtroopers became the Emperor’s personal army and were stationed on Imperial bases and cruisers to ensure absolute loyalty and obedience to Palpatine, as well as on the Death Star and Death Star II. They maintained these roles until the Empire’s destruction.
You too can align yourself with the hunters of the Jedi counsel by donning the appropriate apparel. Your service in the Empire will be duly noted as you wear your Imperial Stormtrooper T-Shirt with pride and honor. Note; Emperor Palpatine has stated that there is now a height requirement to serve as an Imperial Stormtrooper.
Once passing basic Force-Resistance training, each Trooper will be assigned a blaster rifle and Z6 chain gun (one each per team); Failure of Force-Resistance training will result in initial assignment on Tatooine.
All Tatooine team leader Stormtroopers will be equipped with orange shoulder pads and diamond-shaped knee-plates. Beach Troopers will be provided with one, and only one, Imperial Speedo swim trunks and accompanying life jacket. You will need to sign for your weapon, power supply not included.
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Boba Fett T-Shirt
Of course, if you self motivated, driven the easy acquisition of wealth, with a sense of stoic individuality and you get-off on carrying an air of danger and mystery, then maybe signing up with the Imperial Army isn't for you. In that case, you'll want the life of the Mandalorian Warrior/Bounty Hunter!
But the life of the Mandalorian Warrior isn't simply paved with easy killing, piles of gold and infinite numbers of women. No, its filled with grueling killing of hundreds of profit bearing populations, that can border on being tedious at times. And the pay is based essentially on how good of a negotiator you are per kill.
However, when negotiations fail, threats and intimidation are a good fall back skill. And the women... well, they dig the custom plated uniform and helmet, so yeah, there are tons of women hanging out in every port looking to land a lonely Mandalorian. But is this the right job for you? Keep in mind, there is no dental plan like there is with the Imperial Stormtroopers.
You will be required to carry an immense amount of firepower, though the benefit is that you get to wear really cool Mandalorian armor that can hold up to even the most tenacious light saber. You will be expected to have an intense hatred of almost any authority within line-of-sight as well as a deep seeded desire to kill anything that breaths, moves, has an opposable thumb, can accumulate debt or casts a shadow. A strong love for wealth is a benefit, but generally inconsequential when it comes to the value add of having an excuse to kill any and all life forms at the drop of a hat.
While wearing your Mandalorian Boba Fett T-Shirt, you will be; expected to exhibit appropriate skill in the use of the Mitrinomon Z-6 Jetpack, EE-3 carbine rifle, Czerka ZX flame projector and gauntleted Fibercord Whip with a 20-meter-long fibercord grappling device. You will be expected to supply your own retractable vibro-blades and a dart launchers.
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Rebel And Imperial Apparel
Life in the galaxy can get pretty complicated which is why you need to have the right t-shirt for just the right occasion.
Whether you're maneuvering a starfighter through a trench in the northern hemisphere of a Death Star, while trying to fire proton torpedoes into a small thermal exhaust port that's no bigger than a womp rat, or whether you're attempting to drive an All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT) Imperial walker on an Ice Planet while taking incoming fire, or even if you're diligently dumping glitterstim spice, that you've been smuggling for a Hut crime lord, right before getting boarded by an Imperial patrol, you'll need the right shirt to display your confidence and overall ability to get the job done!
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