Because a couple of you seem to be complaining that I "ripped off this article from Cracked", please notice that I do have them listed as a source, and also that I only chose a few of the toys they used and I added some toys I found myself, and used my own descriptions.
- The RoboCop knockoff, RobertCop.
There's 2 completely wonderful things about this toy. 1, it's not just some photoshopped image, it's a real toy with an entire Facebook page dedicated to it
HERE. And 2, it's freaking called 'Robertcop'. The makers of this beautiful knockoff 'RoboCop' toy could have picked so many any names that actually make sense, RoboOfficer, RoboticCop, PoliceManWithMostlyRoboticBodyParts, anything would have made more sense then Robertcop, it leaves nothing to actually lead us to believe that this man is a gun weilding, sloth like moving robotic cop.
"Hey Timmy, wanna come over at play GI Joes?"
"Sure, but I don't have a GI Joe, I have a Military Paul"
- Darth Vader becomes Star Knight. Behold, Star Knight. I cant even begin to understand this toy while looking at it. Maybe some point between 'Revenge of the Sith', and 'A New Hope' Darth got laid off for a while and had to take a job as a traffic cop? I think we'll see another image like this in the future when James Cameron decides to do a remake of Paul Blart.
- Superman can fly....With a parachute. So, Superman can fly? Sorry kids. Ok so it's a simple explanation right? Or maybe this was during his time when he could just jump really high. Superman clearly lost his powers in a kryptonite filled battle with Lex Luthor right? So he takes the elavator to the top of the Daily Planet and jumps off with his parachute in order to fly around and save people, right? Ok maybe I'm reaching a little with that, truth is, there's no explanation in which Superman would need a parachute
- Spader-Man I've yet to find out if this is actually a knock-off of Spider-Man, or just a misprint.
"Spader-Man, Spader-Man, does whatever a Spader"......Yea I don't know.
- Spider-Man, the fisherman? And archer? Ok so clearly this is Spider-Man when he takes his day off right? Fishing has nothing to do with saving people...At all, in that case, why even wear the Spider-Man costume, wouldn't he just go as Peter Parker? The truth of the matter is, this isn't an action figure at all, it's more of a "doing nothing for hours, getting drunk, and beating your wife" figure.
- Super-Bat This toy makes no sense for many, many reasons. The thing you might notice is he's gotten rid of the ear part of his cowl, and replaced it with a set of those bitchen giant radio head-sets from the 80's. The second, is that he's on a skateboard, maybe the batmobile, jet, boat, motorcycle, and his countless either modes of transportation are currently unavailable? Most likely he's just jealous of all the attention Bart Simpson is getting.
Oh, and for those of you who cant read the amazing description on the box, here it is:
THIS JUSTICE MAN ON SKATEBOARD HASA AMAZING "NON-FALL" ACTION GO FORWARD AND TURN RIGHT AUTOMATICALLY AS SOON AS HE COMES TO AN "EDGE".
And no, those aren't my typos, that's word for word what is on the box. Enjoy kids.
- Superman...Wait what? So here we have Superman? Yea I don't know either, even more odd is the presence of Batman, and the Power Rangers on this package.
-Specialman. Superman? Pft, Superman's overrated. Meet SpecialMan, Superman's adopted cousin with special needs.
-The Ultimate Super-Hero Team. This was clearly the creation of some company that was on the edge of going bankrupt. Superman and Batman I get, adding a Ninja Turtle, um ok I guess, Spider-Man, wrong universe but I can look past that...Wait, Buzz Lightyear? Yea this just went from weird to, I don't know what.