My thoughts on Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon

Ample doses of "Depakote" required. If you've ever wondered what having a seizure is like, "Transformers: DOTM," is your ticket to ride.

"DOTM" is a non-stop orgy of pointless, mind-numbing robot destruction and violence highlighted by an endless parade of mechanical innards whizzing across the screen at 200 MPH.

As for the rest of the movie, the plot is a convoluted mess and the human characters are a joke. Not only is their acting bad but the dialogue appears to have been scripted by a 9 year-old. Also, over the course of 2 hours horn-dog Michael Bay reduces women to nothing more than mindless, annoying hump magnets. Look no further than the frequent up close ass and crotch shots of pneumatic Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and the "Vivid" contract girl lookalikes in the background.

Sadly, even the Transformers are lame. Unlike the cartoon and comic books of the 80's, none of the key Transformers are developed enough in the story to the point where you care what's happening to them.

In summary, Michael Bay and the overrated Steven Spielberg succeed magnificently in further destroying a cool sci-fi premise that always had the potential to be awesome in the hands of a more competent, visionary director and producer.