DatNerdyKid Reviews: 'The Fantastic Four' (SPOILERS!)

This is going to be fun.

So Josh Trank's 'The Fantastic Four' has received a pretty bad rap both critically and in the press-rumours abound of Trank being so difficult to work with that he was basically locked out of the editing room and prevented from attending reshoots. And you know what? I believe that. But contrary to what Fox (and strangely enough Simon Kinberg, who has done an excellent job with the X-Men films he's worked on) seems to think, as evidenced by the final product, I genuinely believe Trank's version would have been better.

But anyway, onwards and outwards.

The Good:

• The Performances: The performances here are all quite strong. Given the film has rather a small cast of seven (eight if you want to count Dan Castellaneta's glorified cameo) we get to see who shines through-and it's practically everyone. Reg E Cathey is great as the wisened mentor to our heroes; Miles Teller gives another great performance, capturing Reed's inherent geekiness pre-transformation and becoming a commanding leader afterwards; Jamie Bell is a great Ben Grimm and decent Thing; Michael B. Jordan is positively FANTASTIC as Johnny Storm, recapturing the essential parts of the character but crucially differentiating himself from Chris Evans' performance; Kate Mara, Toby Kebbell and Tim Blake Nelson were all fine, but I had issues with their characters that I'll mention later. 
• The Setup: The first act or so, in the lead up to the team's first foray to Planet Zero, is spectacular. The friendship between Reed and Ben seems realistic and works well, as do the introductions of our other cast members. I definitely enjoyed seeing these people working together and legitimately acting like a team-eating Chinese, drinking (I'll get to that) and fixing each other's Math. It all worked really really well, and was probably the only part of the movie I had little to no problems with.
• The CGI: Now a lot of people are lambasting the CGI, saying it's terrible and Syfy-channel esque. Personally, while there were a FEW shots that I'd agree looked a little off (Sue's bouncy force bubble upon the team's landing on Planet Zero and the green lava mainly) I'd say that on the whole it looked pretty good. The Thing and the Human Torch in particular look amazing, and Reed's stretching looks a LOT better than Mr. Rubber from 8-10 years ago. Sue's force fields and invisibilty also look quite well done.

The Bittersweet:

• Drunken Adventuring: This is a part of the film that I accidentally spoiled for myself through...Reddit (okay, maybe not so accidentally...) and one that I'll admit was well hidden in the advertising. Essentially, TBN's Harvey Elder/Allen/Token G-Man tells the group after construction on the teleportation machine has finished that they won't be sent through to Planet Zero, but another group will-naturally Johnny, Victor and (most surprisingly) Reed get drunk, decide to go through to the other side, and get Ben to come with. A landmark scientific excapade is reduced to an impulsive, drunken decision-one that SEEMS to cost one life and drastically changes four others. While I guess it works in the context of the film and isn't dwelled upon too much, I can't help but feel that Franklin fighting Harvey's authority and ultimately getting Reed, Victor, Sue, Johnny and Ben (somehow) on the mission would have been a much more satisfying narrative decision. I mean it works because it allows Ben to tag along...but that's at Sue's expense...(I'll get to her).
• Humour/Tone/Cronenbergisms: I loved 'Man of Steel'. A lot of people didn't, but that's okay. I liked the darker and I guess more 'gritty' tone and I don't believe it's as offensive to Superman as many appear to. 'The Fantastic Four' shares this darkness but amps it up in different areas-we are presented with elements of body horror and darker images. I happened to like this and was intrigued by a slightly more horrific take-I mean wouldn't you be at least a tiny bit horrified too if you were turned into a rock monster, or were constantly on fire, or found your limbs bending weirdly, or were constantly turning invisible? But...it's not the 'real' Fantastic 4 (keep in mind the term 'real' in this sense is highly subjective these days). The 'real' Fantastic 4 aren't bleak or humourless, and while I liked seeing this different take I don't believe it did the source material quite enough justice.
• Totally Out-of-the-Blue Violence: There aren't a lot of action scenes in the film. Really there's the first transporter accident (more of a calamity than an action scene though) and then the final fight against Doom. So there's not much action. Probably could have made PG if not for a few shits and...Doom's massacre. I'll admit it was totally badass (albeit Fox deciding to spoil it in a TV Spot) to see Doom exploding people's heads but...it just felt too violent. I suppose this kinda intertwines with the Cronenbergian body horror aspect of the film I was talking about before-I liked it, but it doesn't feel right for the characters. Granted it's not like blood and matter spray EVERYWHERE but Doom exploding TBM's head inside his suit was rather graphic, as were the sudden bloodstains on the walls behind the poor soldiers who got in Doom's way. I don't think Fantastic 4 has ever been this violent. Again totally badass, but probably not for the kids.
• A Lack of Sequel Baiting: It's rare to find a comic book movie so self-contained, and yet here this is. Despite rumours of a Fantastic Four vs. X-Men crossover (however unusual it would be) there is no trace of that here-not even a post-credits scene. No references to other characters or worlds, no "Here's the next big threat" moment, no "Doom's still alive" like the first movie-nada. I feel like Fox ensured it so that if the film bombed (which as I stated earlier I actually believe will be a result of their interference) they wouldn't be promising anything or baiting sequels they couldn't afford to deliver. Those tired of constant references to other characters in the MCU or fearing 'Big Bad DC's (jokes, love DC) upcoming expanded universe will probably find that refreshing-I'm wholly indifferent to it, but still thought it was worth mentioning.

The Bad:

• Doom: Oh Doom. Doom Doom Doom. Doom. You started out okay-sure, when he's introduced he resembles the gamer/hacker/programmer 'Victor Domashev' that has made fanboys' skin crawl since he was first announced, but once he cleans himself up and starts working on the transporter he becomes much more tolerable. His belief that (paraphrased) "If the Earth is dying, it's being ran by the ones killing it and should be allowed to die" gave insight into a Doom that-once he had his powers-might have seized control of the world from those destroying it and, from some warped viewpoint, declared himself ruler and tried to save it. But he doesn't. There's no real explanation for why he has the powers he has (telekinesis by all accounts), how the hell he survived, why he all of a sudden loves Planet Zero and how the [frick] he can open up the dimensional portal to start sucking the Earth in-he just turns up, wrecks people and dies (yep, they killed him) 15 minutes later. I mean he looked cool, and went along with the film's seeming love of body horror, but it just wasn't Doctor Doom. And no Sue, making an on the nose reference calling him 'Doctor Doom' won't magically turn him into the real Doctor Doom.
• The 'Phantom Apocalypse': It was highlighted a few times in both the trailers and the film that discoveries on Planet Zero could lead to the saving of Earth, almost as though there was some impending apocalypse coming. I thought the film might take a slightly Interstellar-esque route, in which the four are tasked with finding something to save their world. Maybe I just paid a bit too close attention to those moments in the trailers but I was a bit disappointed that this 'saving our planet' thing was just a phantom thread that didn't really mean anything.
• Dem Misleading Trailers Doe: Look, I'm not naive-I know editing is an arduous process. Scenes that don't fit get removed at the last minute and trailers are purposefully edited in such a way as to create intrigue. After watching the film though it really became clear that we were being mislead by the trailers. Not in terms of whether or not the film would be good (I personally was very hopeful and I guess I was fairly disappointed) but in terms of story and character interactions. First of all, the scene of Johnny fixing his car (Teaser 1/Trailer 2), Doom saying "Be ready for what's coming"/Reed saying "What is coming?" (Teaser 1/Trailer 1) and Thing jumping onto a tank during the night (Trailer 1/Trailer 2) are nowhere to be found in the final cut. Trailer 2 was release less than a MONTH ago. Does that not show you how hamfisted this editing process was?! More examples from Trailer 1: Franklin Storm voiceover of "...answers questions we don't even know to ask yet." plays over shots of Reed-we are lead to believe he's talking about Reed and his genius, but he was actually talking about Planet Zero; Sue saying "It's great having you here" somewhat sarcastically was very well edited into a scene of interplay between Reed and Sue to imply a history, but she is actually talking to Johnny. I know none of these are major misleadings but they really pissed me off.
• Fade to Black...Again...and Again...: Right after the accident scene there's a stretch of probably 5-7 minutes in which there are about 4 fades to black. It doesn't fit, it doesn't add 'dramatic value' and the reptition hurts me in the feels. Don't like it, shouldn't be there.
• Their Powers...How?: In short, the reason why they have their powers aren't explained. Victor gets pulled into the green lava, Ben's pod won't shut and gets pummelled by rocks, fire bursts through Johnny's pod, Sue gets knocked out by the blast wave upon the interdimensional craft's return and starts to turn invisible and I don't even remember what happened to Reed. Ultimately, the film doesn't try to explain why they've been mutated-it's basically all Planet Zero's fault. I know it would be hard to explain from a realistic perspective why they have been mutated so fantastically and it's ultimately not as important as the team learning to USE their abilities, but this was just lazy.
• 1 Year Time Skip: I get why they did it, but it really doesn't accomplish much. Right after Reed escapes the bunker the film skips a year-Reed lives in solitude, Johnny and Ben work for the government and Sue...doesn't do much. I understand that time-skipping allows the Four to get a better grasp of their powers but ultimately it makes Reed seem like a coward, adds unnecessary meat in the wrong place to an already skint runtime and forces you to suspend disbelief at the government taking a YEAR to replicate the transporter. Bad Fox is bad.
• Sue Storm: She was just a bland character. She seemed very unemotive and distant, her pattern recognition abilities and weird love of music acting as the unusual idiosyncrisies of a character we hardly get to know. She's not the caring 'mother hen' Sue we know traditionally. She's just...bland. Also the blonde wig she wore for reshoots is REALLY noticeable and they should have tried a lot harder to make her hair seamlessly consistent for the entire film. It was quite irksome.
• They Just Had to Mention the Race Thing: So I actually thought they'd just get on with things and not treat the audience like idiots, but no, they had to mention the race thing. Reed asks Sue if she's adopted, Sue states from Kosovo, he mentions her not having an accent (idiotic as she has probably been living in the US for quite awhile) and then she mimics a vaguely Russian-sounding accent. Aaaaand that's it. No more about it. I might not have been happy about the race change, but Cathey and Jordan pulled it off so the decision gets a pass-any intelligent audience member should have been able to tell she was adopted without being blatantly told-I feel like this was merely some kind of pandering overexplanation.
• A Love Triangle...Or Not: Ah, yet another aspect probably butchered in the editing room. Victor appears to have some kind of history with Sue (which of course isn't explained) and, jealous from seeing Reed and Sue apparently hitting it off, tells Reed to stop being 'unprofessional'. And then it's dropped. Throughout the rest of the movie there is no hint to a potential Reed-Sue love, no rage-filled "You took her from me!" from Doom in the climax...just nada. Zilch. I understand the temptation not to repeat the romantic storyline from the Tim Story films, but these two are the parents of the most powerful mutant child in the universe in the comics-you have to give them SOMETHING.
• Was That Mole Man?: So Tim Blake Nelson/TBM was originally announced to be playing 'Harvey Elder'-known in the comics as the Mole Man-but that was apparently completely changed by the reshoots. Who knows why. Earlier in the film he is referred to as 'Harvey' and later as 'Allen'...with his name presumably being 'Harvey Allen'...a character invented for the film. I would have kinda been intrigued to see if he was eventually sent on the path to become Mole Man, and I don't know if (before reshoots) he was originally supposed to die at Doom's hand-if he was, it's a bloody waste of a character, but seeing as he's not technically that character anymore I guess it doesn't matter. I guess I just don't understand why they screwed around with the character when making him William Lumpkin would have made things easier-given the film already took a lot from the Ultimate-verse using the Ultimate version of Willie would have actually MADE SENSE. Anyway. Yeah.
• The Thing-G-Man and Hired Mercenary: So early in his life, the comic book version of Ben Grimm was technically a spy for the government-he flew stealth planes, worked with Nick Fury and Wolverine, and did heroic things. This is a FAR cry from that. Harvey tells Ben post-transformation that they'll work to cure him if he helps them with...things. Ben obliges. Timeskip, and we see video packages of ben destroying tanks and going into warzones. He has *cough* a confirmed 43 kills. 43. Kills. And even after a YEAR in which Harvey and co. appear to have made no progress on a cure, Ben is still happy to smash people for them. If you haven't got the message yet, The Thing [frick]ing kills people! I am NOT okay with that! And neither should you!
• Limited Environments: The film is pretty much limited environment-wise to either the Baxter Institute (which despite being the goddamn home of the FF in the comics is barely utilised), some nondescript military bunker and Planet Zero. There's no real creativity going on, esspecially when we get to the Negati-wait, hold on, it's actually Planet Zero, not the Negative Zone. When we could and should have been marvelling at the wonders of this other-dimensional planet/zone we are presented with a bland landscape that seems inconsistent between the second and third acts of the film. It couldn't be more bland and non-Negative Zone-ish if it tried. Bad art department is bad.
• Don't Tell, Show: In the final fight against Doom Reed literally explains everything that is going on. What should have already been made clear and understandable to the viewer through I don't know, a COHESIVE EDITING PROCESS, is instead explained with exposition IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ACTION SCENE! No Fox, bad.
• Rushed Conclusion: Doom returns. Doom escapes and kills bitches. Doom kills Franklin and goes back to Planet Zero. The four go to Planet Zero to stop him destroying Earth or someshit and he gets shoved into his own particle beam. The four are given government approval ot operate and have their own government facility. Ben coins their name. Roll credits. That's all in the span of about 20 minutes, with little to no explanation (except for the useless exposition previously mentioned) as to how Doom's plan is working or why he's doing what he's doing. Forgoing the fact REED [frick]ING ABANDONED THEM the four finally work together, stop Doom and are now all chummy by the end. The final act just does not work and it feels like an extra 20 minutes-half an hour should have been slotted in somewhere.